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Use, or be Used

April 07, 2018

Years of being a Coach and a counselor to several persons has dawned on me that people suffer out of being used. Many dominations may Use them in the field of relationships, in team-work, in performance and people tend to suffer silently. Several instances of being a Used lie under the carpet but yet they determine a large part of their Psyche.  They come face to face with the distortions in the outcome. Disappointments follow and dejections happen.

Symptoms of such dejections sometimes surface as disproportionate anger, volcanic utterances, revengeful thoughts and depressive feelings that take a toll on the Health of the individual. What’s wrong? While there is a lot that can be attributed to the situation, there is a part that lies in oneself. If there is anything that we could change, it is the part in oneself that can be transformed. What lies in the circumstances, can be attempted but yet very unreliable.

Multiple areas of Alertness is essential in bringing clarity to our perceiving the situation. A child may feel Used when fed by the Mother. A homemaker may feel Used being engaged in running her home. A senior citizen may feel Used when asked to retire at the end of his career. An executive can feel Used when given additional responsibilities. A family patriarch may feel used when the next generation takes over the reins. A lot of them are illegitimate but yet backed with powerful logical. The definition appears very correct. Yet it is wrong. The fact is one dimension but the Truth is another dimension. The subtlety of seeing the Truth despite the dominance of our Logical Narrative will bring clarity in our Vision.

Of course, on the other hand, there are instances where in the functional world,  there are a number of manipulative persons who strategize to use you for their own cardinal benefits. Here again, the sharpness of the Mind alone can win over inhibitions and fear to say “No”. Here is an instance of a Mother in Law finding her son in law angrily pacing in the Living room. She asks him “What’s wrong”. He says that he is shocked by his wife’s behavior. I was out of town and I emailed her that I am returning early. Here I am appalled to see her in the Bedroom with another Man. “Oh” said the Mother in law “ There must be a small mistake some where. Let me check”. She speaks to the daughter and returns to the son in law “ I told you that there must be some mistake. She has not received your email “. In the same way, we get drowned in our own excuses, that we don’t see the Truth.

Indeed it is a thin line and that is where Alertness is essential. This thin line exists in the Mind. Clarity would elevate you. Seeing the Truth behind the events that unfold before you requires a razor sharp mind. The Mind has the capacity to sieve through the crevices of the Thought pattern and arrive at the Truth. That indeed is the USE of the Mind. This fundamental skill is what needs to be nourished. The  Mind has the ability to protect itself from exploitation. It has the ability to see the Truth behind the Glamour. In every field of activity, this is an essential feature. Being a Learner with a good value system that has a periodic Audit of the contents of the Mind are our own responsibilities.